How do you mark the day that will change your life forever?  There were nine times in my life that May 29^th passed by without much importance.  It was the tenth one when Sam was born.

Twenty-eight Valentines passed with flowers, balloons, romance, hope and love.  How could I have know that the twenty-ninth would be the one that would break my heart?

Samuel James Amberson Howell, try saying it.  There is no way you can go through life with that name without being amazing and he was from the beginning. 

I loved holding him, the pleasant weight on my hip or in the crook of my arm made me feel important and older.  I loved changing his diapers; playing with him and helping him fall to sleep.  I remember when I realized that if I kissed his eyes when he was tired he would drift off to sleep.  Just knowing a trick for Sam made me feel closer to him.  I took such pride in being a big sister.  My sister and I fought about babysitting, but the argument was because both of us wanted to baby-sit. 

At a certain age I remember him reaching for me over everyone else.  I can’t explain this feeling to you.  It was at an age that is hard for adolescents.  I felt awkward and sometimes unwanted.  It was as if this little baby knew how to help me through this time simply by returning the immense love I had for him.  He was loved by each of us; his three moms and his dad. 

I could walk you through every stage of his life, I remember it all.  He was my sidekick as a toddler.  My sister and I spiked his hair, taught him air guitar, took him on walks and drove him around.  We taught him how to swing so high on the swings that it felt like you were flying.  We swam with him, camped with him, caught frogs with him and began adding to the relationship that was so natural and perfect. 

As a school age boy we were his chaperones, his room mothers, his coaches, his taxis, his friends, his babysitters and more.  I taught him to whistle.  Becca taught him how to ride a bike.  I taught him math.  Becca took him on wooded adventures.  I taught him soccer.  Becca taught him to appreciate rock n’roll.

I had a baby when Sam was ten.  Sam began to build his relationship with my son to be similar to the one we had when he was born.  My son and I lived at my mom and dad’s house.  Sam would spend hours playing with him, talking to him and teaching him about the world.  Even with the age difference they soon became best of friends. 

In fifth grade Sam started his first science fair and it was clear that he had a very scientific mind.  He won first place, for the first time.  He continued this pattern of science award year after year. 

Our relationship continued to adapt with our ages.  We began watching movies together, playing cards, staying up late laughing and talking. 

I had another baby when Sam was 13.  A little girl named Annabelle.  Sam asked if he could be there for her birth and I agreed.  He was so touched by the experience and this created another amazing bond with one of my children.  She adored Sam from the beginning and they soon became close buddies.  He was so much to my family.  Sam was one of the best men in my wedding because he became one of my husband’s best friends and continued to be mine. 

My parent’s house was constantly saturated with kids.  Everyone loved being there.  My parents were very involved and did fun things with their friends.  They made sure all the kids felt at home and received love and attention.  Their house was where everyone met and hung out.  Sam’s circle of friends grew.  

When Sam was 15 I had another child, Madeline.  Once again he bonded with her, his littlest, newest niece.  Six months later I was diagnosed with a form of cancer called Lyp.  When Sam found out he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Heath, I’m going to save you.”  At the time I was touched but didn’t think he could do anything.  I shouldn’t have doubted the love he had for me or the bond that has always been there. 

My kind of cancer is a rare form of lymphoma and I started going to doctors and conferences in different places around the states.  Sam went with me on many of the trips.  On a trip to Boston to meet with a well known doctor for Lyp, he listened closely to the doctor’s comments and began to form a hypothesis with my mom.  He decided to make me his science fair project. 

At age 16 after spending over 1,000 hours working on his hypothesis and studying many of my skin samples, it looked like he found the cause of my cancer (not found by any doctor).  He won the local science fair, went on to win the state science fair and was invited to compete at an international level.  At the international science fair in Ohio with his family in the stands, Sam was named the Grand Prize winner of biochemistry (#1 biochem student in the world!).  I sat in the stands crying so hard with pride and love for this boy whose desire to save me had started this project.  I fought down through the crowd to him and hugged him as hard as I could and I heard him whisper in my ear, “thank you for all you did.”  I couldn’t believe he was thanking me after all he had willingly done. 

Sam continued his research through the next year, worked all summer in a University and found more concrete proof of his findings.  This time after winning local and state competitions, the international science fair was in Portland, Oregon.  My mom, dad, sister and I flew out to meet him for the awards.  While most of the teenagers were shunning and avoiding their families, Sam proudly introduced us to all the people he had met.  He took us to his favorite hang outs and was so proud to have us there. 

One day while waiting for the award ceremony I decided I was going to go to the mall.  Sam asked me if he could go with me.  We cruised the mall together and ended the day with an ice cream sundae that he bought for me.  He asked me advice about a girl he liked there.  We chit chatted about his time and enjoyed each other.  I remember thinking, “remember this” in my head because the moment was so perfect.  Sam went on to win fourth place in the most competitive area of science, medicine. 

Okay, so now science fairs were over, you would think he’d put his trophy on the wall and hang up his lab coat, but all Sam wanted to do was to get his research out there to help me.  One day I decided to try and call the doctor from Boston that I had seen two years before.  I explained to him about Sam’s research and within an hour Sam and the doctor were on the phone.  Sam was invited out to a conference on Lymphoma and stayed with the doctor and his wife.  He met all the top people in this field and I received multiple emails about this amazing man they had all met.  Sam was then invited to work at Harvard with this doctor to study his protocol and try to see if it applied to other samples.  In order to do this Sam had to skip going to his first year of college and dorm life.  Instead he took online classes through MichiganState while working full time researching at Harvard.  The research was put on hold by the doctor and Sam returned home in November. 

Sam began second semester at MichiganState in mid-January.  He got a flu that then turned into pneumonia.  He fought the pneumonia for two weeks and had to drive two hours round trip to the doctor and for chest x-rays.  On February 14^th Sam was on his way back home from a chest x-ray.  My mom had made a special Valentine dinner with hearts cut out from strawberries.  Three miles from home Sam fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a tree.  He suffered severe head injury.  God was looking over him in so many ways.  An ambulance had been called near by and then cancelled.  Because of this they were less than one minute away from the accident, this saved his life.  An air flight helicopter was called on the scene.  There was bad weather and they had a thirty-minute window all night that they were allowed to fly.  Sam’s flight took twenty-two of the thirty minute block, this saved his life.  The doctors worked removed his spleen and then were able to do brain surgery, this saved his life.  God’s hands guiding the doctors saved Sam’s life. 

On the night of the accident my Aunt Jayne came to my house at 9:00pm and told me Sam had been in an accident.  When I got to the hospital I ran in the back as they were working on him.  My dad misunderstood and told me that he was dead.  For two full minutes I thought my brother was gone.  Thank God he was wrong.  My dad, a stoic, strong, God fearing man, whom I have NEVER seen cry was broken and sobbing.  My mother, a strong, intelligent, caring nurse, who rarely gets shaken, was falling apart.  My heart was broken for this boy who loved me enough to work to save me, who loved me perfectly.  I waited for my sister to arrive from one hour away.  She is the rest of the three part bond.  I needed her to be there to feel whole.